DEFENDING THE LAZY GARDENER

This morning I woke up at 5:00 as a wave of guilt rushed over me.  I began to think about all the chores in and around the house that have been put off way to long.  Unable to let it go and fall back to sleep, I got up and went out to weed the garden.  Ya gotta start somewhere.

Playing in the dirt and pulling weeds offers one the chance to reflect and contemplate life.  Inspiration and resolve follow every weed.  I wonder what goes through the minds of other gardeners.  Do they think of the same stuff I do?  Something tells me that my mind is a playground others would not want to visit.  But just for today, I'll let you in....

Inspiration:
"Wouldn't it be neat if I planted a weed garden?  I mean a real ‘I meant to do that' weed garden!"  Squared off with a path and edging like a formal English garden.  Each square having a different variety of weeds.  Weeds really are pretty- and they grow like weeds!  You never have to water or fertilize them.  They get very big, providing lots of ground cover so those pesky and faint at heart flowers don't take over.  They flower and then cultivate themselves.  Talk about a low maintenance garden!

Reflection:
"My house is such a mess.  I have started to call it the dumpster!  My mom would die if she saw it right now."  They say that your closets and drawers are a reflection of your state of mind.  But you must also include the garden in on that theory.  If you walk by a house that has a disaster of a garden, you can bet the house is just as bad.  But don't judge- you don't know what they're dealing with.  My poor neighbors, what they must think when they look at this everyday.

My mother was the CEO of household management when Martha was still in diapers.  When she said clean, we did it.  If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!   She lived with a house full of messy teenagers and now, so do I. My ex-husband gave me a piece of very sage advice- "When they move, the mess will move with them".  I think I can stick it out. I'm done yelling.  I have learned to pick and choose my fights- cleaning is no longer one of them.

But my life is very different from what my mothers' life was at this stage.( I'm not a night person.  I have no trouble falling asleep with a sink full of dirty dishes.  My kids think that dishes are only done at 6am.  I bought a new dishwasher but I've been having trouble getting my kids to play ‘dishwasher' with me— this is in parenthesis because it can be dropped if room doesn't allow in the column). I am divorced and  in a committed relationship with Al.  We have chosen not to live together or give our kids the gift of a blended family.  I don't ever want to hear the word ‘step' come out of my kids mouths.  Because of that, I live in two houses on a daily basis. Remember all the stories of men married to two different women with two sets of kids and two houses?  How do they do it?  When I'm missing a sock out of one dryer, I know the match is in the other dryer! I have a watch at each house and six coffee mugs that travel between the two. My car is the transitional cargo hold.  The up side is that I have doubled my storage space to accommodate my cluttered life.   We have it worked out pretty well -  I grocery shop for both houses and he mows both lawns, etc.  Even with all of that, I feel like I'm spread pretty thin.  I wouldn't have it any other way, but the end result is that something's gotta give – Dumpster Sweet Dumpster.

Contemplation:
"Maybe I should take some time off and just get this house in order."  That sounds great but I have my own business.  If I take time off, I lose money.  Since I charge by the hour, it would make more sense to hire someone to clean the house while I keep my business going.  This reminded me of my first lesson learned in divorce.  I had never in my life mowed grass.  I do flowers- not grass.  I asked a neighbor come over and show me how to turn the darn thing on and began to mow.  After sweating out the front yard, I turned off the mower and immediately went into the house to call a lawn service.  I figured if I had to spend half a day getting all sweaty and tired mowing the lawn, with a much needed nap afterwards, I would lose a lot of productive business hours.  Until Al entered my life, I had three really good looking, young guys come over to do my lawn on a weekly basis.  They were done in 15 minutes and charged less than I make in an hour.
  When you get divorced you learn what you can do for yourself and who you can hire to do the rest.  I have now hired my 17 year old daughter to clean the house.  Let's hope I don't have to fire her.

Resolve:
"So what!  The house is a pit and the gardens are a disaster.  What's more important to me in the long run is humor and fun in life.  If you live in this house, you better be funny."  The onset of humor development began at birth in this family.

When my son marries, it is my hope that his wife can over look the fact that he didn't inherit the ‘house cleaning gene' and realize that she has married a man that always has clean ears, perfect teeth and wears deodorant.  He will listen to her and not be afraid to talk about his feelings.  She will never have to open a door herself and will hear the words ‘please', ‘thank you' and ‘I love you' so much that she may find it irritating.  My daughters have learned that it is very nice to have a man in their lives.  They are all to aware that they may want a man but don't need a man.  We hire the men that we need !  Male bashing is never allowed.  If you find a man that wants to be your equal partner in life and he loves you, love him back.  They are both very independent and happy within themselves - a man is the frosting on the cake.  But you have to bake your own cake first. 

We have all heard that no man on his deathbed ever said "I wish I would have worked more." I don't believe any woman ever said "I wish I would have cleaned more".  When I die, I don't want my children to describe me as "Mom.... she really knew how to clean".  I want them to appreciate all the art I have created and snuggle in the love and comfort of their bed quilts.  I want them to remember that not a day went by that we didn't hug and kiss and say ‘I love you' many, many times...... our favorite lunch- popcorn at the movie theater.... the very twisted April Fool's jokes I played on them.... restitution is the only acceptable means of resolve when you have done something wrong....if you hurt someone's  feelings, look them in the eye and say you're sorry...... laugh until it you cry and milk runs from your nose..... the puke chart from flu season....laughing at all the stupid things we've done.....don't turn the car off until you've finished singing along with your favorite song.....  And best of all-- if someone calls to ask you out for lunch– quit cleaning and go!  My house may never be featured in a home and garden magazine, but I think I taught my kids what really matters in this life.  I can now breathe a sigh of relief. 

After filling three yard bags with weeds from just one garden, my favorite neighbors across the street came over to tell me they were putting their house up for sale.  My heart sank.  I silently threatened to replant every one of those weeds.

Linda Schutz