AND THE WINNER OF THE TACKY PURSE CONTEST IS.......

About a year ago, I bought an inexpensive, yet trendy purse at a local discount store.  Under fifteen dollars in price, I bought what I thought would be just a fun purse for Spring.  It was a canvas bag with an old orange crate logo depicted on the front, orange straps and binding to highlight the beautiful fruit.  From the moment my friends saw this laughter invoking bag, they teased me.  Telling me it was tacky and looked like a gift bag.  They even went so far as to put tissue paper inside and tufting out the top to drive their criticism home- it did look like a gift bag! 

When it was finally time to lay that purse to rest, I began a search for yet another tacky purse.  The next one, which cost me only $8.12 was a sequined enhanced Paris Café scene - with a free coin purse inside.  I was in heaven.  I loved that purse!  Once again, my friends had to pull out all the stops on the teasing train.  Much to my surprise, I had more men compliment me on that purse than any other purse I had in my life.  No matter where I went- the gas station, hardware store or grocery store, men - both young and old- felt compelled to share their delight with me.  Ladies- if you are looking for attention and affection from the planet Mars- carry a tacky purse!

And so it began.... the Unofficial Tacky Purse Contest.  Who could outdo whom.  What are the criteria?  Tacky is beautiful, fun, creative, trendy and cheap. If anyone tells you your purse is ‘cute', you have just been disqualified from the competition.  Trust your tacky intuition.  Just as pornography and art are not clearly defined- we all know it when we see it.  

Top honors from the last round of competition go to me.  Priced at only one dollar ( plus tax) from a rural thrift shop, I now own the most beautiful circa 1970's lunch box purse!  Remember those?  Making them was all the rage with my mother and her friends.  Old metal lunch boxes decopauged and painted.  Some with dip and drape roses nesting neatly on top.  My treasure had been painted and stained to look like leather and decorated with all twelve zodiac symbols.  The inside is finished with harvest gold felt - remember that color?  All the guys love that purse and the women wish it was theirs.

I recently made my sister a tacky purse.  In case you are unaware, cigar box purses are the new trend in the craft world.  I went to my local fabric and craft store to purchase all my supplies.  Square wooden boxes that resemble cigar boxes line the shelves with handles and hardware to complete the project.  My sister and her husband own a pool business in Florida, with a mermaid as their logo.  I base painted the box and hired the niece of a friend of mine to paint a mermaid on the cover.  Thank you Kaetlin - she's beautiful!  I surrounded the mermaid with seaweed, coral and waves.  The inside is finished with shells and a lipstick mirror.  After many coats of varnish, I beaded a wire handle and put all the hardware back on.  I am certain my sister will never use this as a real purse, but it will make a fancy and fun purse ‘box' to set on her dresser or end table, to be filled with her secret treasures.

Since this all began, I have become keenly aware of my deeply seeded prejudice that has now surfaced.  It is called ‘reverse purse-ism'. When I see a woman arming herself with an outrageously expensive designer leather purse, I turn away and give her a silent sneer.  If you want me to like you, tacky is the path to my heart.   I know, it's harsh- but I'm working on that. 

My world is a much more fun place to be now and I look forward , with delight, to the next tacky purse that crosses my path.

Linda Schutz   March 20,2004